Pittsburgh Internet Dating Stories

Marriage On and Off the Rocks

A friend of mine, Chris Posti, is publishing a book, Marriage On and Off the Rocks. This book contains 24 true stories of men and women who have gone through difficult times in their marriage – some have been able to keep their marriages together and others have not.

I was interviewed for the book and was pleased to find that my story made the cut – under a fictitious name of course (you won’t find BlueEyes1962 in the book!)

Chris says, “It is my hope is that these true stories will serve as a mirror, showing the reader what he or she needs to do to have a successful marriage or a successful life after a divorce, whether or not they decide to remarry.”

My story is an old and familiar one, which is probably why it is included. I married the wrong man for the wrong reason, then tried desperately to make it work for 20 years, even while it floundered on the rocks. Freedom came when I finally abandoned ship.  I am now dating a wonderful man, but I doubt I would have looked at him twice 25 years ago. Then, I wanted someone who would “save” me and take care of me – now I know the only person who can do that it me.

Because I am freed from needing a protector/provider/alpha male I can have an equal relationship with a real man.  It’s so wonderful – I have never had this before. When I was younger I was looking at utility (Will he be a good Dad? Will I be able to stay home and raise me own kids? Will he keep me safe?) and never thought of the price I might have to pay for these things. Now I don’t want anything from a man except to really know him and love him, and be known and loved back.

Chris takes real stories such as mine, presents them in our own words, and asks questions to make you think. I  encourage you to check out Chris’s book (for sale Aug 10) and her blog: http://www.marriageonandofftherocks.com/

PS. May I make another plug for a dear friend of Chris’?  Bernice Boyden, through her company, Success Matters Coaching & Consulting,   coaches people through transitions in their lives – job changes and personal changes, including divorce.  Her business is young, and the website is still under construction, but you can find it at http://www.successmatterscc.com

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Dear Friends in Mt Lebanon and the South Hills:
Do you know any women who are recently divorced and who could use a little camaraderie over the holidays?  I’d like to start a very informal little group to meet for coffee (or wine or beer) a few evenings before the holidays.

The dates I picked out of the blue are:
• Friday Nov 21, 7:00 – 9:00 PM and
• either Friday Dec 12 or Dec 19.

Please think about who you know who might be missing their “family” and could use the company of other women going through the same thing.  I had a hard time last Christmas, and really feel for anyone who is going through this.  I could use some support but also want to reach out to other women in the same situation who I don;’t know who might enjoy a sympathetic ear .

Could I ask you if you would be so kind as to send this link to your friends (those happily married, like many of you, might know someone who is not).

Please feel free to have anyone call or email me with questions.  We would meet at my home in Mt. Lebanon. I can be reached at connellyp@mac.com

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My friend (and cleaning lady) Peggy is dating a guy she really likes, and she we as telling me about the trials he is going through with his ex.  They had been married for 15 years, had 3 kids together, and a few months before she left him she had major cosmetic surgery done – the whole nine yards – breasts, lipo, tummy tuck.   The worst of it was, as Peggy explained:

“He spent $20,000 on her – and he didn’t even get to benefit.  Before she had even healed, she was gone!”

It made me think – I often noticed before a couple announces their divorce that the wife suddenly starts looking really good.  We called it the “Divorce Diet.”  I guess this is just a new take on that!

PS.  I just googled the term “Divorce Diet” and it seems that it really refers to the weight people lose after their divorce – often unintentionally, because of the stress.  Here’s an example:

I’ve heard people jokingly refer to the weight you lose when your marriage breaks up as “the divorce diet,” so it seems that losing weight is really common in these circumstances. It’s been really dramatic for me…I lost almost 25 pounds in the 5 months since my husband left me, and I didn’t have that much weight on me to begin with: I went from about 135 to about 110, and I’m 5’4″.

I’m just grateful that my body responds to stress the way it does: when I’m truly stressed out I can’t eat, but I can sleep like a champ…I use it as an escape. The opposite reaction– not being able to sleep, but wanting to eat everthing in sight–would have been *much* worse, and I know that happens to some people….

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Real lines from Pittsburgh area online dating profiles:

When I read what men are looking for I’m amazed at how close I fit their wish lists.

I learned at a very young age that I was a terrible liar when I tried to convince my mom that someone else peed in my pants.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot…I’m hot.

Feed me carbs and I’ll be happy. Touch my feet just right and I will stalk u

I’m not changing my life, I’m kicking it to the curb and getting a better one.

im a clean freek i like a clean house a nice yard clean car truck im vary clean person and i hope to fine someone almost like me.

If you think I’m going to be your sugar mama and support your sorry ass b/c you think I get a chunk of change for child support NEED NOT APPLY…GET A JOB.

Men, if you are not over your ex’s and and they are still pestering you, please move on. Life is way too darn short to have to deal with that crap.

NO rednecks, bubba’s or men that decorate their homes w/dead animals. NO recreational drug users, smokers, or PLAYERS!

mommas boys
pussy whipped
whore
limp wristed
metro men
wrapped around your wife’s finger
NEED NOT APPLY!!!

I see myself with a mate who is kind, sensitive and caring. A man who is not into abusing women or children.

Sexually inexperienced is OK, as long as your trainable, sexually stunted or defective is not OK, and you know who you are.

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