Pittsburgh Internet Dating Stories

A while back I had a Sunday morning first date at Starbucks on the Southside. I won’t use his real handle; let’s call the guy … “Arrogant.” I dressed nicely and wore make-up, but he showed up in a ratty old t-shirt and baggy cargos, and looked like he had just crawled out of bed.

He was also a good 50 lbs heavier than his photograph!

He was very aggressive – telling me he was the best thing on match.com and that he had dated many women through the site. He told me some of the stories – and many were indeed hilarious – including a story about a thirty-something woman whose mother had gone on the date with them, and then gave him a bag of tomatoes at the end of the evening. I asked him why he put up with that and he said it was because she (the daughter, not the mother) was so hot.

He asked me directly if I was interested in him. I told him “actually, no, you’re too heavy for me”.

Normally I would not be so brutally honest, but his arrogance had offended me, and I felt it was deceptive to post a photo that did not match reality. He had talked about the physical characteristics of the women he had dated, so I figured his physique was fair game.

For the blog, I wrote him to ask if I could share his stories. It wasn’t really smart, but I guess I figured my comment about his weight wouldn’t have really bothered a guy who knew he was God’s gift to women.This is his answer:

Yes, BlueEyes I remember you. How could I forget the only person since 4th grade whose called me fat? But if that wasn’t embarrassing enough to you, you didn’t relent when I attributed the weight gain to surgery and an unspoken complication requiring me to take medication whose side effects include weight gain and fatigue – not a good recipe for maintaining a healthy weight.

Unfortunately for me you left me with no ammunition when formulating a comeback. Or perhaps I simply chose to invoke “do unto others.”

And now you have the temerity to ask to mine my experiences for your gain? You might want to take a cue from your self-reported affinity to “learn new things” and learn the golden rule.

I felt bad – I had really offended him. He was a jerk, but I don’t like to make enemies – not in this small town. Who knows when I might come across him again in another social or professional setting?

What have you done when the photo did not match the reality? Were you honest or did you mutter a face-saving line and slink away?

3 Comments »

Here are some women’s words (taken from different online dating profiles) about their bodies and thoughts on “what is sexy?” that caught the eye of ADVENTUROUS:

Describe your personality and physique.
34-24-36

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
Of course every woman says there figure I guess my chest.

Describe your personality and physique.
I’m curvy. I’m totally addicted to working out. I have very nice boobs and nice plump butt but I also have a waistline.

What do you find “SEXY” in a partner?
I am a ass woman. I love also a hairy chest I would have to say there chest.

What do you find “SEXY” in a partner?
I love to watch a man walk away that has a cute butt– what can I say, I’m a butt girl.

What do you find “SEXY” in a partner?
Muscles are ok as long as they are not buldging! YUCK!

What do you find “SEXY” in a partner?
no colored hair please! keep the pierced nipples or scrotum…i might take to an ear piercing but that’s about it.

What do you find “SEXY” in a partner?
I only do not have caress and love, I wait for prince on a white horse and hen I shall give all caress and fire love.

my ethnicity:
Pretty Italian, Polish, desent, shoulder length blonde hair, nice legs, butt and breasts.

favorite things:
I love to suck on great big lollypops. They just feel like so much fun on my tongue.

favorite things:
tight butts.

About Me:
Wild and crazy gal looking for a wild and crazy guy. Enjoys biking, horseback riding, and outdoor sports of any kind. Needs a man who enjoys life to the fullest. Also, helps to be well hung.

What do you think?

1 Comment »

Happy endings do happen. Here’s a message from a 40-year old woman in Ohio who found love on Match.com:

Match provides an almost infinite pool of men that I would have never met…both good and bad. I have learned that to find love I had to be patient, a risk taker, have faith and be open to love.

I fell for a man who when he made mistakes knew how to say he was sorry. He is not perfect but was vulnerable enough to let me see that he wasn’t perfect. He genuinely loved children, which was my first on the criteria list and knows how to treat me like the lady I am…far beyond the first few dates.

He was tenacious and when we had problems, he cared enough to try to remedy them. He was honest about his job, marital status, income, interests and most importantly honest about what he wanted in a woman and in a relationship (so many of you have unrealistic expectations) He wasn’t pushy in any sense and let me take my time in the relationship.

Those of you who are interested in match as a site to solicit sex (and you are out there), I believe there are other sites that would be more conducive to your needs…just my opinion, but I don’t think Match.com markets itself in that direction.

This site as many of you have found can enhance the ego when you are down, boost the self-esteem when needed but ultimately must be the crutch that must be let go.

I was a personal trainer, and I always said that I have done my job when my clients no longer needed me and sometimes it was my job to let them know just that.

To all of you that have been honest and gentlemanly, I say thanks to you for making my dating and entry back into the single life a rewarding experience. I have made a few good friendships from this site from dates that weren’t love matches but enticing enough to provide something else very important: friendship. You are the reason that I refer Match.com to friends who are looking for love or something as simple as a platform or launching pad back into the dating world.

It is always prudent to be careful when using this site because much like the traditional dating scene, there are unscrupulous people.

To those of you who have lied about everything from age, weight, marital status and job to children… shame on you. You will never find what you are looking for if you are not honest, and as many of you have already found out, the truth does eventually surface…I promise you it does.

My advice to those of you that aren’t honest is this: Match.com is growing by leaps and bounds and dating online no longer ensures your anonymity even when you don’t provide a picture if you are telling even 1/2 the truth. Everyone seems to want to take a look at match.com, and it is no longer taboo to do so.

Online dating is making its way into the acceptable world of mainstream dating. I met some grandmothers that have used this site…amazing! I could write a very interesting book on my experiences and those that my friends have shared.

For those of you who were bothered by the fact that I didn’t work while a full-time grad student raising three children, maybe I’ll publish the book, get rich and be on Dr. Phil. He and I have a match connection.

To the love seekers, learn to ask very pointed questions up front and don’t be timid or embarrassed about finding out what you need from someone. This is an excellent forum to do so.

I have friends and loved ones that have used this site to further enhance their lives, some of which have ended in marriage.

To my friends and those hopeful about love. Take care and have some faith.

1 Comment »

Jay Speyerer, of Legacy Road Communications (www.legacyroad.net),  has been a speaker and an educator for nearly 30 years, successfully helping people achieve their goals in memoir writing, business communication, cross-cultural issues, and presentation skills.  He has this advice to offer those looking for love online:

“I love laughing in the rain while riding my Harley on the beach in my tuxedo and jeans. I don’t like listening to any kind of music except rap while I’m curled up on the couch watching a DVD and reading the New York Times and National Review. I want live my past, present, and future lives to the fullest with my soul mate.”

There’s a lot of that kind of piffle on Match.com from otherwise literate and intelligent people. Of course, there are a lot of illiterate and unintelligent folks on there too, but that’s not you or you wouldn’t be reading Blue Eyes’ blog.

I think I know what the problem is: people are doing their homework but they’re accepting the wrong kind of examples. Here’s what to do: look at the profiles of your competition to see what they’re writing. See what phrases pop up again and again, and then don’t use them.

Why? Because they’re clichés. You enjoy fine dining? Wow, so do I! You don’t want someone with baggage? Wow, neither do I. You want to live life to the fullest? Wow, so do– Wait a minute. What does that mean?

Be clear. Avoid writing something just because someone else did. Maybe I’m dense, but I just don’t know what “living life to the fullest” means. I’m sure it means something to the people writing it, but it bears further explanation. Parasailing? Bungee jumping? Riding your horse? Time with family and friends? Provide examples.

Be yourself. Many of us get advice from our friends. That’s okay, but don’t copy what they write and sacrifice your originality, your uniqueness. This might be hard to believe, but people actually steal other people’s profiles. They lack imagination, so they appropriate another profile. I once talked to a woman whose profile was stolen by a man. And he was straight.

Be specific. Don’t just tell us you like to travel, tell us where you want to go. Don’t just say you like music, tell us who you like. Don’t just say you like to read. Tell us author and genre. Things like that are important to your reader because it gives them a more complete picture of you.

Be honest. I’m a professional writer, and because of that, many women have said I intimidate them. Good to know. Better I find it out now rather than later. Don’t write something that isn’t you and don’t show something that isn’t you any more. Use a current picture. It might be interesting to see what you looked like in high school, but if you’re 50, give us a current look as well.

Some people complain about pictures of pets, but pet pics are okay in my book. I’m an animal person myself and I use a shot of my pets. One shot. But photos of humans should vastly outnumber those of your four-legged or winged housemates.

And finally… Girls, more pictures of you and fewer travel pictures where you’re so small we can’t see you. Guys, put your shirt on and lose the ball cap.

5 Comments »

I asked “Charming,” the 50 year-old woman who I quoted in Know any Unavailable, Dishonest, Self-Centered Men in Pittsburgh for CHARMING? to expand on the experiences that lead to this statement: “If you’re young enough to be my son I’ve been enjoying all those brave winks and e-mails. Keep em coming! Growl.”

Here’s her reply:

Been on Match a month and a half. In the first 2 weeks I had 5 winks from young men under 35.

Amused — I winked back.

Three brave souls went as far to follow up with e-mail, which I unfortunately deleted. Basically, they said something very similar:
“You’re really hot. (news 2 me!) Do you go for younger men?”

My reply to each:
“Well, Bad BOY I will never shoot a MAN for trying, and I’m flattered, but flattery will not get you anywhere in my case. Thanks anyway, but you are WAY too young for me!!! Better luck elsewhere.”

Only one die-hard 25-year-old wrote back after that:
“Do you like bad boys? I don’t have any problem with our age difference. Why should you? Age is just a number.”

That’s when I had answered:
“Give me your mother’s number so I can tell her what you’re up to”

No reply.

LOL

Having learned, now I just ignore them.

I’m still very intrigued by the younger guy – older woman thing. Are young women just too much work? Are they afraid of marriage o and children and a women well past menopause is appealing? Are older women perceived as being more desperate an thus easier? I just don’t get it. Any ideas?

Any men out there who date older women who could help me figure this out?

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“Foxy” is an athletic 53-year-old divorced Fox Chapel mom who looks 35. Her online dating profile states she is seeking a 50 – 60 year old match.

“Doctor38″ (39-year-old man – Pittsburgh, PA – Seeks women 30-55) contacted her. She emailed him “Thank you for the interest, but I don’t want to date younger men.”

He sent the following reply:

Good for you, stick with the old dudes who have custody of their kids on the weekends and whose exwifes are still hanging around, making things uncomfortable for you, not to mention those teenage kids he’s got who don’t even like their own mother and are going to find it rather hard to deal with daddy’s new girlfriend who is taking up all of his free time.

And well, the holidays, well, they will tend to be awkward, mostly because his kids will hate you, and don’t forget those family vacations, with his kids, you know the ones, they are the little angels who will be staring daggers at you, while you sip you pina colada at the poolside restaurant at lunchtime, wondering how you ever thought it was a good idea to bring children on what he had told you was going to be a very romantic and fun beach vacation.

Oh and lets not forget the lack of sex drive he possesses, mostly because he’s been playing golf all day and then trying to satiate his own guilt as a father by telling the little monsters all about the next fun group hug you’ll all be going on

Yeah, I guess a doctor, with no kids, 5 weeks of vacation a year, who cooks and likes to openly express his feeling to the woman he adores, and is still interested in a passionate and physical relationship, sounds like a bad idea………..good for you, your mom did a good job……..

Foxy told me, “I am so mad at this a_ _ hole. I’m going to ream him a new one. But, what could I expect from some liberal, never been married doctor?”

What should Foxy do? How would you reply to him? Send in your suggestions (anonymously) by clicking on “comment” below.

10 Comments »

PittProf is fussy about spelling errors (see How Honest Should You Be?) while Treefrog warns about weeding out the psychos (see Dating Strategies – What Works?) From a story that PittProf shared with me, it appears that he can’t see the forest for the trees (or can’t see the psychos for the apostrophes).

Sophie caught PittProf’s bespectacled eye with one paragraph in her profile:

favorite hot spots:
I would take you for a long drive along the Mon to trespass abandoned steel
mills, discover outrageous biker bars, & and explore other cultural
treasures. My favorite hot movie – Secretary.

Sophie was also scholarly – she did research for a Pittsburgh company on the sociology of dating. And she could spell. She sounded interesting and different, and they went on several dates, and things started to heat up. But then PittProf (AKA “Charles”) began to have second thoughts, and he put on the brakes some. The emails below tell the story from there.

From: Sophie
Date: Sunday, November 12, 2006 2:42 PM
To: Charles
Subject: Touching Base

Charles -
I don’t think we are a good match after all.
The best of luck in your search!
Sophie
———-
From: Charles
Date: Sunday, November 12, 2006 2:51 PM
To: Sophie
Subject: RE: Touching Base

This time I get to ask: what makes you say that?
(I’m not planning to argue about it; just curious)
———-
From: Sophie
Date: Sunday, November 12, 2006 3:06 PM
To: Charles
Subject: RE: Touching Base

Ahh – this is a tough one, but here we go. For one, I somehow had the feeling that something changed since the last time we met – perhaps because you met someone you are more interested in. Then – I noticed that you showed a somewhat limited interest in me – as a person, by, for example, not asking more questions about my background etc. Three – a bit of a lack of generosity – it would have been nice to be treated to a soup, rather than asking me to chip in, given that your income is probably much higher than mine.

Hope this is not too blunt – but I am usually very straightforward, especially when people ask.

It really was very nice to have met you – and I am not angry or anything like that. I just honestly think we may not be a good match.

All the best,
Sophie

Back to my paper.

Charles let a couple days pass before responding

From: Charles
Date: Tuesday, November 14, 2006 3:14 PM
To: Sophie
Subject: thoughts

I still like you and I think I’d enjoy staying in touch via email, e.g. I could send you Pittsburgh political news, if you want, and perhaps you could keep me up-to-date on your dating research ?

How’s the paper?
———-
From: Sophie
Date: Tuesday, November 14, 2006 4:05 PM
To: Charles
Subject: RE: thoughts

PAPER IS STILL NOT DONE – HAVEN’T HAD A MELTDOWN LIKE THIS SINCE MY LAST GRANT SUBMISSION BUT AM DETERMINED TO GET IT OUT BY 12:30PM TOMORROW. MAJOR TORTURE. DO STAY IN TOUCH –!
———-
From: Charles
Date: Tuesday, November 14, 2006 4:22 PM
To: Sophie
Subject: paper

Good luck with the paper
———-
From: Sophie
Date: Tuesday, November 14, 2006 4:24 PM
To: Charles
Subject: RE: paper

What about our relationship?
———-
From: Charles
Date: Tuesday, November 14, 2006 4:36 PM
To: Sophie
Subject: RE: paper

Well, it’s over — the romantic part, anyway — as far as I’m
concerned.

We can be friends and keep in touch, as I suggested, however.
———-
From: Sophie
Date: Tuesday, November 14, 2006 5:10 PM
To: Charles
Subject: RE: paper

Fuck you!
———-
From: Sophie
Date: Tuesday, November 14, 2006 5:14 PM
To: Charles
Subject: RE: paper

Please do not contact me again.
———-
From: Sophie
Date: Tuesday, November 14, 2006 5:27 PM
To: Charles
Subject: RE: paper

Do not contact me again please!!!!
———-
From: Sophie
Date: Tuesday, November 14, 2006 6:46 PM
To: Charles
Subject: FW: You are a jerk!
>From: Sophie
>Date: Tuesday, November 14, 2006 5:29 PM
>To: Sophie
>Subject: You are a jerk!
———-
From: Sophie
Date: Tuesday, November 14, 2006 6:55 PM
To: Charles
Subject: RE: You are a jerk!

Please do not contact me again!!!
———-
From: Sophie
Date: Tuesday, November 14, 2006 7:00 PM
To: Charles
Subject: FW: You are a jerk!
>From: Sophie
>Date: Tuesday, November 14, 2006 6:52 PM
>To: Sophie
>Subject: RE: You are a jerk!

Really – do not ever contact me again.
———-
From: Sophie
Date: Tuesday, November 14, 2006 7:01 PM
To: Sophie; Charles
Subject: RE: You are a jerk!
———-
From: Sophie
Date: Tuesday, November 14, 2006 7:04 PM
To: Charles
Subject: RE: paper
Importance: High
Do not contact me again please!!!!
———-
From: Sophie
Date: Tuesday, November 14, 2006 7:13 PM
To: Charles
Subject: You are out – please delete from your e-mail list
———-
From: Sophie
Date: Tuesday, November 14, 2006 7:32 PM
To: Charles
Subject: RE: You are out – please delete from your e-mail list

Do not contact me again please!!!!
———-
From: Sophie
Date: Tuesday, November 14, 2006 7:50 PM
To: Charles
Subject: fuck you

For two days, the emails stopped. Then Charles got one more.

From: Sophie
Date: Thu, November 16, 2006 6:57 PM
To: Charles
Subject: My deepest apologies!!!

Charles -

I am feeling horribly ashamed – sorry, sorry, sorry!!! Terrible day working on the paper and other things gong on.

You’re behavior throughout all of this was great – I think our decision was right and I am certain that you will end up finding someone who is good for you.

Please – do accept my apologies.

Sophie

Charles never emailed her after that, lest the floodgates open again. Not even to point out that she’d misspelled “your”.

I wonder how her paper came out.

1 Comment »

Bill, a friend from Bethel Park,  alerted me to this online dating scam. He received winks from an attractive woman on match.com telling him to look for her on another site (see Middle-Aged Men Beware Part 1.) He was curious and went to the site, but did not create a profile. He still got tons of winks and emails from women there. He did a bit of research and found the following thread: Subject: Scam alert….avoid Heartdetectives.com

By: victim of love
Possibly every one knows about this scam except me. You can create a free profile then they send fake responses to your mailbox. Naturally to read these teasers you have to pay a fee to join. Once the fee is paid all correspondence ceases and your left feeling like a chump. Please BEWARE of Heartdetectives.com it is a total sham.

By: Jonathan
These scammers are posting bogus profiles on Match.com — referring you to write to them at “meet fun singles,” which is “meetfunsingles.com”, a sister site to Heartdetectives. I’m reporting them to Match.com customer services as I come across them, or when they allegedly “wink” at me. These scammers are evil

By: Foolish Heart
Ah, poop. I had a feeling I’d been had. Wish I’d found this site earlier… but the first post about this scam occured the day I signed up for it. I’m a very good computer guru, and I got readily had by this one. Same scenario as the first posting, but I was also on another site at the time when I was contacted by another interested person… who mentioned that they use “Seek True Love.” (Same site; different name.) I probably wouldn’t have touched this site with a 10 foot cattle prod, except that “someone” else had recommended it. I’m such a fool for love.

By: Tainted
Yea, they suck for sure. I was on LoveAccess, which isn’t bad, and this chick emailed me. Should have seen it coming cuz the email said “I’m also on heartdetectives so try me there is this doesn’t work out” duh, what a dupe. Anyway, plentyoffish.com is a kickass site, and totally free. That’s where I’m staying from now on, in the free zone. Between the russain scams and the date site scams, this is starting to feel like real dating.

By: elves
Likewise scammed, tempted beyond reason, but hesitated long enough to find this site. Match caught the embedded message & deleted that part of it today, several days later. I should have known something was up when that wink appeared from a beautiful younger woman, whose address on Match changed within the week to out-of-state.By: MeI just got a couple of emails from Heart Detectives saying I had a flirt and a new email, the only thing is that I have never created a profile on this site. I requested my user ID and password and what they sent me is an ID and password I use. Anyone know what other sites they affiliated with? The only place I use that ID and password is on yahoo. Anyone have any ideas?

By: RYRYI
just recieved an email from a girl, and I mean a good looking girl with all the same interests as me….blew me away. She said…if you dont find me here I’m always at meet funsingles.com. I almost took the bait but found this site at the same time I was trying to sign up for that site. It wouldn’t take any of my email addresses for the “free membership”. I was thinking still…who the hell is using my company emails for dating sites? then i read these complaints and it all makes sense. STAY AWAY FROM THESE FUCKERS

By: StreetRodder75
Ya… I had a membership there because I had about 12 emails waiting for me, and a few people emailed me more than once… I joined up, replied and never heard anything from anyone. Yet a week after replying, I got notifications that the same people are winking me…Why would people send me 2 emails, not reply to my email, and then later wink me? Makes no sense.

No comments »

If you were a 44-year old man, would you believe this wink was genuine?Most guys instinctively know there is something fishy about this. Young beautiful women don’t need to troll the Internet for men many states away to find dates.But what is you add a few years, a few flaws, and slightly more natural looking photos. If you were a man, would you be excited if you got a wink from this 32-year old woman? :Here’s the profile:

I am a girl who loves to laugh and have a good time. I am able to wear all of the hats appropriately! I am classy, poised, yet wild, and adventurous. I enjoy spending time with my friends and family, dining out, being outdoors, and finding new things to experience!!I don’t make my bed every morning, I love to cook, take midnight swims, and long walks, but these are soooo much better when accompanied by a great man.

It has been quite awhile since my last relationship as I have been busy with work, but I’m at the point now where I am ready to get out there and have some serious fun. I’m hoping I can meet someone who can show me a great time as I assure you, I will show YOU a wonderful time as well!

Another thing, considering I’m not a member here yet, it may be difficult to reach me until I become one, otherwise I can be reached at another place called, seekintimacy. With that said, hopefully what I’ve written gives you a good idea of who I am and what I’m about.

This happened to my friend Bill on Match.com. He was curious enough to go to seekintimacy.com. In order to view the girl’s profile and email her, he would have to sign up at $25/month, and he decided not to. But Bill did create a username and password – and supplied the site with his email address.

Suddenly he was inundated with winks and emails from young, beautiful women on seekintimacy.com. This was interesting because he had no photo or profile up on the site. At first he thought it might be his clever username that was attracting attention, but he got suspicious and did some research.

I bet you can guess what the scam is.

No comments »

Are Pittsburghers Provincial? You be the judge. Here are some lines collected from Pittsburgh internet dating profiles:

What language(s) do you speak, read or write?

English, why learn any other crap when I live in my own country.

What language(s) do you speak, read or write?

I speak English, some sign language in bad traffic, Body language,
I speak it and read it.

What language(s) do you speak, read or write?

What do you think???? DUH!!!

Where were you born? List some of the places you have lived or traveled.

I’m a local, borned and raised near Pittsburgh.

Where were you born? List some of the places you have lived or traveled.

Pa
traveling…well, I’ve been to sea world

What are some of your life-long goals? Where would you like to be in 2
years? In 5 years?

in a house

favorite hot spots:

BARS ARE OK. I DO NOT DRINK BUT LIKE TO GO HAVE FUN.
IT DOES NOT BOTHER ME IF YOU DRINK BUT I DO NOT LIKE FIGHTS WHEN YOU DRINK.

What does this say about us?

1 Comment »