Pittsburgh Internet Dating Stories

Cathy Day writes about her experiences with Chemistry.com in this excerpt from her book, Comeback Season: How I Learned to Play the Game of Love:

My credit card bill drops through the mail slot, and there’s another $99 charge from Chemistry.com. How can this be? The last time I talked to them, I said I wouldn’t be renewing my membership. So I get on the horn with Chemistry.

“How may we help you today?”

“Yes, I’m calling about an incorrect charge.”

The customer service concierge looks up my account information. “I see that you were charged for another three-month membership.”

“Yes, well, I called you guys a few months ago to complain about the lack of response I was getting, and at that time, I told you I didn’t want to renew my membership.”

The concierge explains that this is not the proper procedure to cancel a membership.

I ask, “So calling customer service and saying, ‘I don’t want to renew,” isn’t the right procedure?”

No, it is not. Apparently, when I joined Chemistry in July, I agreed to their automatic renewal terms. Apparently, I was supposed to cancel my membership online, not over the phone. And I cannot cancel my membership now, today, and receive a pro-rated refund. There’s a deadline after which you’re locked in for the full three months, and that deadline came and went—two days ago.

The concierge says, “Also I see that, since the automatic renewal went into effect, you have used our services.”

I laugh. “No, I haven’t.”

“Yes ma’am, you have,” the matchmaking concierge insists. “I see here that you logged in a few weeks ago and communicated with a Robert?”

Robert the Gambler! I forgot about that. I wanted to ask him a dumb question: “When you say that a woman must love to gamble, do you mean that literally or figuratively?” The answer—literally—is going to cost me $99.

“Look,” I say, “I wouldn’t have logged in if I thought it was going to cost me anything. I assumed you were giving me free time on my membership, like you do for men.”

Silence. “Ma’am, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I would like to ask you one question. How many male members do you have within a twenty mile radius of Pittsburgh?”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t have that—”

No! Strike that! How many ACTIVE male members do you have within a twenty mile radius of Pittsburgh?”

“We don’t have that information available.”

“Oh, but I’m sure you do! Somewhere in that computer of yours, I’ll bet you know exactly how many men use Chemistry in the Pittsburgh area. I’m a consumer, and I deserved to know that information so I could decide if I was going to get my money’s worth, because let me tell you, I did NOT get my money’s worth from your service.”

Pause. “I’m sorry you’re disappointed, but we can’t make any guarantees. Basically, we only provide a means for people to communicate with each other.”

“Communicate…with…each…other,” I say, drawing those words out. “Exactly. Look in your computer there and see how many men actually responded to my profile.”

“I see a Rick…”

“Yes, Rick, who informed me that he hasn’t paid for his Chemistry membership in a long time. He told me that he thinks you guys don’t have enough men on your roll to satisfy female customers, so you just keep giving men like him free renewals!”

“No, ma’am. That is not our policy.”

“Aren’t you owned by the same company as Match.com?”

Pause. “Yes.”

“Well, here’s what I think. You guys were sending me profiles of men who don’t actually subscribe to Chemistry. They subscribe to Match.com. You borrowed their information from Match to artificially inflate your rolls and keep women like me happy!”

“No, ma’am. That is not our policy.”

“Why should I have to pay $99…TWICE…when a man doesn’t have to pay anything? That is a discriminatory. You’re taking advantage of women.”

“No, ma’am. That is not our policy.”

I’m so mad, I don’t know what to do with myself. “You’re not going to do anything to help me, are you? You’re going to charge me another $99 and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it?”

The concierge maintains a neutral tone. “There’s nothing I can do.”

“Put this in your computer. When this three-month membership is over, it’s over. Got it?”

“Yes. I’ll take care of it.”

“Good!”

I hang up the phone and scream so loud that my cat jumps straight up in the air. Then I call my mom. “These people…these people!” I stammer.

“Cathy? What’s wrong?”

I tell her exactly what’s wrong.

Mom sighs. “You know, when you started doing this, I was afraid for you. I thought the men you met might turn out to be bad people. But so far, they’ve turned out to be pretty normal. Pretty nice.”

“I know! It’s these snake oil salesmen who’re driving me crazy!”

“They should be ashamed of themselves,” Mom says.

“I don’t think they give a shit,” I sigh. “You know what I’m going to do?”

“What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to prove I was right. I’ve seen guys on Match who I know I saw on Chemistry. I’m going to contact them and ask if they really joined Chemistry or not.”

“You go get ‘em!”

“Thanks, Mom.”

So Cathy – did you contact them? Were they paying for Chemistry.com? Other women I know form Pittsburgh who used the service reported that all their potential matches were from out of state.

9 Comments »

A while back I had a Sunday morning first date at Starbucks on the Southside. I won’t use his real handle; let’s call the guy … “Arrogant.” I dressed nicely and wore make-up, but he showed up in a ratty old t-shirt and baggy cargos, and looked like he had just crawled out of bed.

He was also a good 50 lbs heavier than his photograph!

He was very aggressive – telling me he was the best thing on match.com and that he had dated many women through the site. He told me some of the stories – and many were indeed hilarious – including a story about a thirty-something woman whose mother had gone on the date with them, and then gave him a bag of tomatoes at the end of the evening. I asked him why he put up with that and he said it was because she (the daughter, not the mother) was so hot.

He asked me directly if I was interested in him. I told him “actually, no, you’re too heavy for me”.

Normally I would not be so brutally honest, but his arrogance had offended me, and I felt it was deceptive to post a photo that did not match reality. He had talked about the physical characteristics of the women he had dated, so I figured his physique was fair game.

For the blog, I wrote him to ask if I could share his stories. It wasn’t really smart, but I guess I figured my comment about his weight wouldn’t have really bothered a guy who knew he was God’s gift to women.This is his answer:

Yes, BlueEyes I remember you. How could I forget the only person since 4th grade whose called me fat? But if that wasn’t embarrassing enough to you, you didn’t relent when I attributed the weight gain to surgery and an unspoken complication requiring me to take medication whose side effects include weight gain and fatigue – not a good recipe for maintaining a healthy weight.

Unfortunately for me you left me with no ammunition when formulating a comeback. Or perhaps I simply chose to invoke “do unto others.”

And now you have the temerity to ask to mine my experiences for your gain? You might want to take a cue from your self-reported affinity to “learn new things” and learn the golden rule.

I felt bad – I had really offended him. He was a jerk, but I don’t like to make enemies – not in this small town. Who knows when I might come across him again in another social or professional setting?

What have you done when the photo did not match the reality? Were you honest or did you mutter a face-saving line and slink away?

3 Comments »

Bill, a friend from Bethel Park,  alerted me to this online dating scam. He received winks from an attractive woman on match.com telling him to look for her on another site (see Middle-Aged Men Beware Part 1.) He was curious and went to the site, but did not create a profile. He still got tons of winks and emails from women there. He did a bit of research and found the following thread: Subject: Scam alert….avoid Heartdetectives.com

By: victim of love
Possibly every one knows about this scam except me. You can create a free profile then they send fake responses to your mailbox. Naturally to read these teasers you have to pay a fee to join. Once the fee is paid all correspondence ceases and your left feeling like a chump. Please BEWARE of Heartdetectives.com it is a total sham.

By: Jonathan
These scammers are posting bogus profiles on Match.com — referring you to write to them at “meet fun singles,” which is “meetfunsingles.com”, a sister site to Heartdetectives. I’m reporting them to Match.com customer services as I come across them, or when they allegedly “wink” at me. These scammers are evil

By: Foolish Heart
Ah, poop. I had a feeling I’d been had. Wish I’d found this site earlier… but the first post about this scam occured the day I signed up for it. I’m a very good computer guru, and I got readily had by this one. Same scenario as the first posting, but I was also on another site at the time when I was contacted by another interested person… who mentioned that they use “Seek True Love.” (Same site; different name.) I probably wouldn’t have touched this site with a 10 foot cattle prod, except that “someone” else had recommended it. I’m such a fool for love.

By: Tainted
Yea, they suck for sure. I was on LoveAccess, which isn’t bad, and this chick emailed me. Should have seen it coming cuz the email said “I’m also on heartdetectives so try me there is this doesn’t work out” duh, what a dupe. Anyway, plentyoffish.com is a kickass site, and totally free. That’s where I’m staying from now on, in the free zone. Between the russain scams and the date site scams, this is starting to feel like real dating.

By: elves
Likewise scammed, tempted beyond reason, but hesitated long enough to find this site. Match caught the embedded message & deleted that part of it today, several days later. I should have known something was up when that wink appeared from a beautiful younger woman, whose address on Match changed within the week to out-of-state.By: MeI just got a couple of emails from Heart Detectives saying I had a flirt and a new email, the only thing is that I have never created a profile on this site. I requested my user ID and password and what they sent me is an ID and password I use. Anyone know what other sites they affiliated with? The only place I use that ID and password is on yahoo. Anyone have any ideas?

By: RYRYI
just recieved an email from a girl, and I mean a good looking girl with all the same interests as me….blew me away. She said…if you dont find me here I’m always at meet funsingles.com. I almost took the bait but found this site at the same time I was trying to sign up for that site. It wouldn’t take any of my email addresses for the “free membership”. I was thinking still…who the hell is using my company emails for dating sites? then i read these complaints and it all makes sense. STAY AWAY FROM THESE FUCKERS

By: StreetRodder75
Ya… I had a membership there because I had about 12 emails waiting for me, and a few people emailed me more than once… I joined up, replied and never heard anything from anyone. Yet a week after replying, I got notifications that the same people are winking me…Why would people send me 2 emails, not reply to my email, and then later wink me? Makes no sense.

No comments »

A note from CHARMING, a 50-year old woman in Pittsburgh. She says that a delightful job requirement of being a “fun-time writer and a full-time hairstylist” is to to love people from all walks, but some days tact is the ability to make them feel at home (especially when she wishes they were.)

The following is a mock testimony to the hits she’s been receiving on dating sites (which is why her intro line reads “May We Distinguish the Weeds From the Flowers”). She says she was so tempted to put this up for her fellow gal pals who have been overrun with similar weeds:

I’m actually looking for unavailable, dishonest men who hate talking about feelings, like stringing me along, and think only about themselves.

If you’re young enough to be my son I’ve been enjoying all those brave winks and e-mails. Keep em coming! Growl.

Old enough to be my grandpa is purrfect too. I hear that celibacy’s good for the soul. You can call me Sister Mary Merlot. (If you NEVER drink I bet you’re fun. )

Belong to AA? Have numerous DUI’s? Still live with mom? No job required! Toxic children a must.

Not being able to spell gives great insight into your intellectual value.

Live 1000 miles away? Get your green card here. I work for the border patrol.

No picture posted leaves much to the imagination. . . but pictures in which your hair stands up like a blown hood latch , untrimmed beards resembling Grizzly Adams , and more tattoos than Popeye — definitely makes me and the rest of us single gals hot.

Of course I love dating married men! Breaking up happy homes is my thang.

Divorced more than 3 times is a red light… special??? What the heck. We can put the word FUN in Dysfunction.

Any for REAL guy who does not get the point or does not find this humorous need not apply.

3 Comments »

One great thing about Internet dating is that you can very quickly meet a lot of people and are exposed to a wide range of human experiences. Divorced men with kids are usually in some contact with their ex’s and one quickly determines the relationship and it can be all over the map.

Sue has an especially amicable relationship with her ex, Stan. They talk several times a week on the phone, and he comes to the house Monday evenings. When they were married, Monday evenings were family game days – they’d eat dinner together as a family, and then play a round of Scrabble or a card game.

When they separated this January, they decided to keep the tradition. Although the kids go to his bachelor pad one at a time on the week-ends (it’s only got 2 bedrooms and they have 3 kids) during the week most of his time with the kids is spent in the family home, which is now Sue’s house.

This works for them and they claim it is the least disruptive option for the kids, all teenagers. But this strikes me and many of their dates as very weird. Sue tells me that men who have an equally friendly relationship with their ex-wives are fine with it – even relieved that they found someone who will not be jealous when they spend time with their kids and ex together. But guys with bitter divorces can’t understand – Sue has seen had men get very disturbed when she explains their arrangement, tell her they are not comfortable with this at all. Many of Sue’s friends think Stan is taking advantage of Sue, and that she is being too accommodating.

Stan is much more strategic than Sue – he would never reveal this at a first coffee. He dated a woman without children in her mid 30′s and he didn’t tell her that family time in Upper St. Clair with the kids often also included the (soon-to-be-ex) wife. But after 4 months the issue did come up and caused problems and suspicions, and then she found out he is separated and not divorced as advertised. Now Stan finds himself back on Match.com again.

Which is how Sue offered to help her Ex improve his Match.com profile. He’s back up and hasn’t been getting the response he hoped for, and asked Sue for advice. Sue first suggested going for women his own age – but he did not like that idea. Then she said that nicer photos would help. He asked her if she could take some next time he was over, and Sue said yes. I thought she was crazy and I asked her why she would do this.

Sue said, “I’m good with a camera, and an expert at Photoshop, so why not? Stan’s adjusted his schedule to stay with the children for the week-end several times when I wanted to get away. It’s been in both our best interests, and the kids, to get along.”

I think, after a year of separation, their lives are way too tangled still. Sue thinks she knows what she is doing. She wonders why such a friendly relationship with an ex raises suspicions with potential dates.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

7 Comments »