Pittsburgh Internet Dating Stories

NYIF had many great moments – not just suggesting I get breast implants and my teeth filed on our first date. We were both Catholic (in fact NYIF had a prominent position in Pittsburgh diocese), and discussed how we could reconcile dating other people while still being married in the eyes of the church. NYIF volunteered that he had his rules about this, and that he subscribed to Bill Clinton’s definition of sex.

Wanting to know what I might be signing up for, I googled this, and found insight in Bill Clinton & The Definition of “Sexual Relations” from bandersnatch.com

One must remember that Clinton was 51, meaning he developed his definitions of sexual relations back in high school in the 1960′s… it is quite possible that Clinton, as many fellow baby boomers, does not consider fellatio to be “sexual relations”.

The phenomena of young ladies drawing a firm (but exceedingly fine) line between all manners of sexual arousal and intercourse (not the term actually used in the situation) was especially evident in extremely religious young women of the time… Apparently school yard Catholic dogma of the time defined “sex” as fornication, a serious sin, and … oral stimulation as maybe not even worthy of confession.

I guess that would explain why it was so important that NYIF’s date’s teeth be filed smooth.

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I was on my second coffee with  SOUTH HILLS and mentioned that I was wary of men in their 40′s and 50′s who had never been married before – I thought it might be a red flag. “Well, there are no issues there with me,” SOUTH HILLS said dryly, “I’m not afraid of commitment — I’ve been married 4 times.”

SOUTH HILLS has been worth keeping around because he sends me good jokes Here’s a sample:

“According to a new survey, woman say they feel more uncomfortable undressing in front of men than they do in front of women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.” – Robert DeNiro

“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.” – Sharon Stone

“My girlfriend always laughs during sex — no matter what she’s reading” – Steve Jobs

“See, the problem is that God gave men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.” – Robin Williams

“Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.” – Woody Allen

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It was my first date with “New York IF” from Match, and I was nervous. I was recently separated from my husband of 20 years,, and this was my first “first date” in 22 years. We had emailed, talked a little on the phone, and he seemed fun, smart, and concerned about me. We agreed to meet at the Roxy in South Hills Village for a beer, and I made sure my hair and make-up looked good. NYIF, a nice looking man in his late 50′s, seemed happy to see me. He said, “You really are cute!” and we settled down to drink our Guinness and start the process of getting to know each other.

He started telling me about his ex-wife. He had made her who she was, and instead of being grateful, she had left him suddenly after 30 years. When he met her when she was a young, skinny, dirty-blond thing with bad teeth, but he had fixed her up over time, getting her the right clothes, haircuts, dental work, and eventually, a breast augmentation. He told me he had been very pleased with the results. It was at that point that he looked over at me with an appraising eye, took a good look at my chest, and told me, “Dear, if you have the money, that’s something you might consider yourself.”

I did not leave then. I actually stayed to hear how I should get my teeth filed (“I’m surprised your dentist hasn’t already recommended this to you.”) and how I needed to stop saying “yeah” and say “yes” instead (“It’s so much more sophisticated.”)

And then I went on one more date with him before I smartened up! But the story does not end there.

A few weeks later I met another man on Match who I hit it off with, and we started dating. A month later, things had progressed, and I decided it was time to shop for new underwear. I went to the Pussycat lingerie store in Squirrel Hill, and as I was admiring my profile in one of their sexy “contoured” bras, I remarked that I couldn’t believe my first date in 22 years had recommended I get a boob job.

Gail Gross, the owner, had been serving me. She stopped, looked up at me in surprise, and asked “You didn’t meet him on Match.com did you?”

I said I did, and she told me about another woman she had served a few weeks earlier from Fox Chapel who was thin and blond like me. The lady came in devastated – she had been told on the first date with a man she had met on Match that she should get breast implants.

“She was really shook up, not laughing about it like you. ” Gail said, “It really hurt her.”

So I decided to set up a blog so Pittsburgh singles could share Internet dating stories, lighten up and laugh about it. After all, this is supposed to be fun. This is what you were looking forward to when you were stuck in that unhappy marriage and wanted out so you could meet some interesting people. Let’s share the different versions of “interesting” we’ve found. Please join me and please feel free to post!

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