“These are the only genuine ideas; the ideas of the shipwrecked.”
BlueEyes1962 15 Jul 2008 | : He/She Said That?
“The man with the clear head is the man who … looks life in the face, realizes that everything in it is problematic, and feels himself lost. As this is the simple truth – that to live is to feel oneself lost – he who accepts it has already begun to find himself, to be on firm ground. Instinctively, as do the shipwrecked, he will look round for something to which to cling, and that tragic, ruthless glance, absolutely sincere, because it is a question of his salvation, will cause him to bring order into the chaos of his life. These are the only genuine ideas; the ideas of the shipwrecked. … He who does not really feel himself lost, is lost without remission; that is to say, he never finds himself, never comes up against his own reality.”~ Ortega y Gasset
I read “Revolt of the Masses” by Ortega y Gasset as a freshman in college, over 25 years ago, but I always remembered his analogy of the “shipwrecked man.” The last 2 years, since my divorce after 20 years of marriage, I’ve really identified with it.
I had been secure in a comfortable, if unhappy, marriage and Mt. Lebanon suburban life. I thought I had the answers, and if I followed the rules, things would turn out okay. When they did not, and I found myself bobbing in the open water, looking for something to cling to for support, and I was willing to try anything.
It’s been a interesting ride. I’ve read Martha Beck, Eckhart Tolle, Joan Borysenko and Henri Nouwen, and many more. I did the Landmark Forum, the Advanced Course, and am taking Landmark’s “Sex and Intimacy” seminar. I did a coaching series with a holistic nutritionist, started monthly massages, and tried yoga. I am seeing both a psychotherapist and a “healer.”
I’m not sure where it’s all going to lead, but I am hoping I’ll gain a little self-awareness. I was able to “keep it together” for a long time, but only because I had crammed myself in a tight little box. Now that my mind is starting to open, I am also starting to see my own culpability – I’m not and have not always been the good, honest, loving person I thought I was. I see I am capable of horrible meanness, cowardly behavior, and spinelessness.
Frankly, it’s been a shock. Yesterday, in my therapist’s office I took a hard look at myself and cried, “What kind of person would do such a thing?” He said my guilt was good. If I was evil, I would be justifying and rationalizing my behavior. Feeling bad was a clue that I was also good.
I’m hoping he’s right.