Pittsburgh Internet Dating Stories

An acquaintance found this profile on plentyoffish.com, which seems to be the free, wild west of online dating:

im a highly agressive, whip-smart hot shot sex pot 27 year old female armchair philosapher who is seeking like minds for enligtenment, conversation and tasteful sexual innuendoes. eventually if you make the cut you move up the food chain and in my pants. i enjoy guys who can quote movies in a split-second witty way, fix stuff around the house and understand the dewy decimal system, among other things. do you think you can keep up? im a fast-talking fast-typing free mind who grows weary of the status quo each day. on a methadone program so if that scares you don’t bother, someone beet you to the punch of likking me and then scaring off because of that. please i want semi-intellectural men who regard smart women as a advantage. that im into sex in a bold way is a extra advantage as well. what do you like? STOP! i dont want to know until i know you better. also no acronim users, i hate lazy spellers…id love to have a sexual tryst but no 1) pseudo-intellecturals from small canadien perovinces who think there all creative and cool but are actually suffering from mid-life crisis 2) no fowl “hey lemme cum in yr face” leetters and 3) no ***holes who are just in it for anal. thank you. especially first one. i hate men who play it off to get a nice sexed up fantasy and then turn chickenshit! hey im in the mist of moving into my dream home and out of my rathole shitty crack-infested slum…i love these letters, but i apologize for not resonding… my life is in a tailspin and i must be practicing the eigfhtfold path more than ever and cannot be distracted

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Real lines from Pittsburgh area online dating profiles:

When I read what men are looking for I’m amazed at how close I fit their wish lists.

I learned at a very young age that I was a terrible liar when I tried to convince my mom that someone else peed in my pants.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot…I’m hot.

Feed me carbs and I’ll be happy. Touch my feet just right and I will stalk u

I’m not changing my life, I’m kicking it to the curb and getting a better one.

im a clean freek i like a clean house a nice yard clean car truck im vary clean person and i hope to fine someone almost like me.

If you think I’m going to be your sugar mama and support your sorry ass b/c you think I get a chunk of change for child support NEED NOT APPLY…GET A JOB.

Men, if you are not over your ex’s and and they are still pestering you, please move on. Life is way too darn short to have to deal with that crap.

NO rednecks, bubba’s or men that decorate their homes w/dead animals. NO recreational drug users, smokers, or PLAYERS!

mommas boys
pussy whipped
whore
limp wristed
metro men
wrapped around your wife’s finger
NEED NOT APPLY!!!

I see myself with a mate who is kind, sensitive and caring. A man who is not into abusing women or children.

Sexually inexperienced is OK, as long as your trainable, sexually stunted or defective is not OK, and you know who you are.

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