Pittsburgh Internet Dating Stories

Are Pittsburghers Provincial? You be the judge. Here are some lines collected from Pittsburgh internet dating profiles:

What language(s) do you speak, read or write?

English, why learn any other crap when I live in my own country.

What language(s) do you speak, read or write?

I speak English, some sign language in bad traffic, Body language,
I speak it and read it.

What language(s) do you speak, read or write?

What do you think???? DUH!!!

Where were you born? List some of the places you have lived or traveled.

I’m a local, borned and raised near Pittsburgh.

Where were you born? List some of the places you have lived or traveled.

Pa
traveling…well, I’ve been to sea world

What are some of your life-long goals? Where would you like to be in 2
years? In 5 years?

in a house

favorite hot spots:

BARS ARE OK. I DO NOT DRINK BUT LIKE TO GO HAVE FUN.
IT DOES NOT BOTHER ME IF YOU DRINK BUT I DO NOT LIKE FIGHTS WHEN YOU DRINK.

What does this say about us?

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When I first started on Match.com, an online dating veteran told me that it was useless to wink or email men (“if they’ve seen your photo and haven’t made the first move they are not interested”), so at the beginning I didn’t and just waited for men to make the first move.

Taking the exact opposite tactic is CUTIE, a very attractive Pittsburgh woman in her late-30′s, who gets over 1,000 winks or emails a week from men. She searches actively to find men that meet her criteria and winks at potential dates. If they email back, she immediately sets up a meeting. Because she is so attractive and accomplished – she’s a very successful professional – she will sometimes have 4 “coffees” a day and up to 20 a week until she finds the right guy.

Tactics will be strongly related to goals. Since I had no goal other than to explore dating again after 22 years, and was not looking for a something serious, my laissez-faire attitude was probably appropriate. CUTIE’s approaching finding “Mr. Right” very aggressively – She has a biological clock ticking.

Pittsburgh Women: What have you have found works for you? Any tips to share with other women who are also exploring online dating?

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A group of us have been debating the best way to decline an indication of interest online. How honest should you be? As an example, PITTPROF shared this exchange he had with TEACHER.

SHE WINKED AT YOU!

51-year-old woman
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, United States
seeking men 51-53

[notable excerpts below; read carefully ]

my job:
I am a Family and Consumer Science Teacher (Home Econominc).

favorite hot spots:
Enjoy the zoo, (animal lover), minature golf and long walks.

last read:
“Life Expentancy“, mostly read education journals.

And below is their email exchange.

PitProf’s comments:
I suppose it would be unwise for me to point out the four spelling errors in her last two emails to me?
What does this say about me? (I’m a jerk?)
What does this say about her?

Am I doing a service or a disservice to humanity (i.e. the woman’s students) when a teacher “winks” me and I inform her that she has spelling errors in her profile?

PitProf:
Subject: got your wink
Thanks for your interest, but good spelling is important to me, so it seems that we’re not a match.
Good luck.

Teacher51:
Sorry, but I sometimes make mistakes. It’s part of being human.

PitProf:
Yes. I don’t really know why, but details like that are important to me. Good luck.

Teacher51:
Being a teacher correct spelling and grammer are very important to me. But I do not look down on those who make mistakes. Mistakes are how one learns. Just because I made a mistake it does not mean I am not well educated. I happen to have three degrees and I am very well educated.

Teacher51:
Just want to inform you that I corrected my spelling errors.
Also, I do not tolerate men treating me like I am a dumb blonde. I become very defensive when a man tries to intimidate me with his inteligence. I will go into my psycholgist mode and fight back. A battle of inteligence is one area in which I am highly capable of winning and I generally do win.

What do you think? Is Teacher51 overreacting or is PittProf being a jerk?

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A note from CHARMING, a 50-year old woman in Pittsburgh. She says that a delightful job requirement of being a “fun-time writer and a full-time hairstylist” is to to love people from all walks, but some days tact is the ability to make them feel at home (especially when she wishes they were.)

The following is a mock testimony to the hits she’s been receiving on dating sites (which is why her intro line reads “May We Distinguish the Weeds From the Flowers”). She says she was so tempted to put this up for her fellow gal pals who have been overrun with similar weeds:

I’m actually looking for unavailable, dishonest men who hate talking about feelings, like stringing me along, and think only about themselves.

If you’re young enough to be my son I’ve been enjoying all those brave winks and e-mails. Keep em coming! Growl.

Old enough to be my grandpa is purrfect too. I hear that celibacy’s good for the soul. You can call me Sister Mary Merlot. (If you NEVER drink I bet you’re fun. )

Belong to AA? Have numerous DUI’s? Still live with mom? No job required! Toxic children a must.

Not being able to spell gives great insight into your intellectual value.

Live 1000 miles away? Get your green card here. I work for the border patrol.

No picture posted leaves much to the imagination. . . but pictures in which your hair stands up like a blown hood latch , untrimmed beards resembling Grizzly Adams , and more tattoos than Popeye — definitely makes me and the rest of us single gals hot.

Of course I love dating married men! Breaking up happy homes is my thang.

Divorced more than 3 times is a red light… special??? What the heck. We can put the word FUN in Dysfunction.

Any for REAL guy who does not get the point or does not find this humorous need not apply.

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Sue’s had quite a week. You may recall that she’s the one trying to have “the perfect divorce”and is hosting her ex-in-laws for the holidays.  But thing are stating to fall apart. She sent me this post:

It’s a relief to think that today is Jan 1, 2008 – the New Year has been rung in – and life will return to semi-normalcy tomorrow. Since Stan, my soon-to-be-ex husband of 20 years moved out almost exactly a year ago , life has been everything but “normal.” But I’m hoping it will settle down this year.

It’s been even more strange these last 2 weeks as I hosted my ex-in-laws in my house for the holidays, had my 2 oldest home from college (this morning I had to step over about 15 bodies sprawled about the house – they both had sleep-over parties for New Year’s Eve) and had more frequent, sometimes very emotional, contact with Stan.

I had this fantasy that if I couldn’t have the perfect marriage, at least I could have the perfectly friendly and conflict-free divorce. But that fantasy was shattered Christmas morning when I turned into a raving lunatic in front of Stan, my kids and their grandparents.

I had planned the Christmas activities with Stan, and he had mentioned that his new girlfriend had wanted to see him either Christmas Eve or Christmas day. He asked me when I thought it would be least disruptive to the family. I suggested early afternoon Christmas day – after we opened the gifts (a long drawn out process because we do them one at a time and everyone has to see and comment on every single gift) – and before the big Christmas turkey we had planned for the evening.

On Christmas morning, my daughter and I got up early to go to church, and on the way home she mentioned that Stan would not be home for dinner. This was the first I heard of it. When we got home, everyone was waiting for us in the living room. I had to know if this was true so I went straight for Stan.

“When did you want to eat dinner?” I asked, “I need to figure out went to put the turkey in the oven.”

“It doesn’t matter to me,” Stan replied, “You know I’m not going to be here.”

I insisted this was news to me, Stan insisted he had told me earlier, and that I should have known his girlfriend would want more than a few hours in the afternoon with him. I got shrill. He dug in. The kids quickly ran out of the room and out of earshot. Stan’s Dad tried to calm me down, telling me this was just a misunderstanding and that I was upsetting the kids. I wouldn’t hear it. I got shriller. Then I started crying. Stan’s mother got up to hug me and started crying too. I asked her if she would take a walk with me, and we left the house.

I returned 15 minutes later calmed down and feeling ashamed.

We had Chinese food delivered that evening.

The rest of the holidays were uneventful except for one more incident. Stan was taking his girlfriend, his parents and the children out to dinner and to see “The Nutcracker” in the Cultrual District. He asked me if I would drive the family to Franco’s where they were all meeting.

I said I could not, I was going out that night too. Stan asked if I could drive them before I went out – I said I might be going out in the afternoon and didn’t want to have to work my schedule around chauffeuring people to an event I had not been invited to. He said I he didn’t understand how I could be busy all afternoon and evening and couldn’t find an hour to help the family out. I said it was his problem and not mine.

There was no melt-down this time, but Stan and I had this conversation in front of the kids and his parents. My daughter later told me we had both acted with the emotional maturity of 12-year olds – which had surprised me. I thought I was being calm and firm. She also told me that if the reason Stan and I were getting together for family events was for the benefit of her and her brothers, then we were defeating the purpose if all we did was bicker once we were together. I was once again chastised.

If this bickering were a regular occurrence, we would have given up on “family time” long ago. Overall, our separation has been remarkably peaceful. (For background see “Helping her Ex Improve his Match Profile“) The holidays brought up a lot of unpleasant emotions. But this has made me re-evaluate our relationship.

As much as I have wanted to believe that despite getting divorced, nothing has really changed for my family, I’m finally starting to see that it’s just not realistic. Stan and I both love our children very much, but if we could get along so well, I doubt we would be divorcing in the first place. And as much as the kids want everything to stay the same – it just can’t. I’ve been a little thick about realizing this.

When I told a friend about these incidents, he lent me the book “Mom’s House, Dad’s House” by Isolina Ricci. The book is very clear about maintaining a healthy “businesslike” relationship with your children’s other parent. I think Stan and I need cleaner boundaries. It’s something I am going to work on in 2008.

This is especially important now that both Stan and I are dating again.

All I can say is that I’m learning…

And now to all my girlfriends who have been telling me for the last year that I have to get more emotionally detached from Stan – thanks for not saying “I told you so” even though some of you (you know who you are) did anyway.

Happy New Year!

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