Online Dating: What Do You Do When the Photos Don’t Match Reality?
BlueEyes1962 27 Jan 2008 | : Not As Advertised, Strange First Dates
A while back I had a Sunday morning first date at Starbucks on the Southside. I won’t use his real handle; let’s call the guy … “Arrogant.” I dressed nicely and wore make-up, but he showed up in a ratty old t-shirt and baggy cargos, and looked like he had just crawled out of bed.
He was also a good 50 lbs heavier than his photograph!
He was very aggressive – telling me he was the best thing on match.com and that he had dated many women through the site. He told me some of the stories – and many were indeed hilarious – including a story about a thirty-something woman whose mother had gone on the date with them, and then gave him a bag of tomatoes at the end of the evening. I asked him why he put up with that and he said it was because she (the daughter, not the mother) was so hot.
He asked me directly if I was interested in him. I told him “actually, no, you’re too heavy for me”.
Normally I would not be so brutally honest, but his arrogance had offended me, and I felt it was deceptive to post a photo that did not match reality. He had talked about the physical characteristics of the women he had dated, so I figured his physique was fair game.
For the blog, I wrote him to ask if I could share his stories. It wasn’t really smart, but I guess I figured my comment about his weight wouldn’t have really bothered a guy who knew he was God’s gift to women.This is his answer:
Yes, BlueEyes I remember you. How could I forget the only person since 4th grade whose called me fat? But if that wasn’t embarrassing enough to you, you didn’t relent when I attributed the weight gain to surgery and an unspoken complication requiring me to take medication whose side effects include weight gain and fatigue – not a good recipe for maintaining a healthy weight.
Unfortunately for me you left me with no ammunition when formulating a comeback. Or perhaps I simply chose to invoke “do unto others.”
And now you have the temerity to ask to mine my experiences for your gain? You might want to take a cue from your self-reported affinity to “learn new things” and learn the golden rule.
I felt bad – I had really offended him. He was a jerk, but I don’t like to make enemies – not in this small town. Who knows when I might come across him again in another social or professional setting?
What have you done when the photo did not match the reality? Were you honest or did you mutter a face-saving line and slink away?