Jay Speyerer, of Legacy Road Communications (www.legacyroad.net),  has been a speaker and an educator for nearly 30 years, successfully helping people achieve their goals in memoir writing, business communication, cross-cultural issues, and presentation skills.  He has this advice to offer those looking for love online:

“I love laughing in the rain while riding my Harley on the beach in my tuxedo and jeans. I don’t like listening to any kind of music except rap while I’m curled up on the couch watching a DVD and reading the New York Times and National Review. I want live my past, present, and future lives to the fullest with my soul mate.”

There’s a lot of that kind of piffle on Match.com from otherwise literate and intelligent people. Of course, there are a lot of illiterate and unintelligent folks on there too, but that’s not you or you wouldn’t be reading Blue Eyes’ blog.

I think I know what the problem is: people are doing their homework but they’re accepting the wrong kind of examples. Here’s what to do: look at the profiles of your competition to see what they’re writing. See what phrases pop up again and again, and then don’t use them.

Why? Because they’re clichés. You enjoy fine dining? Wow, so do I! You don’t want someone with baggage? Wow, neither do I. You want to live life to the fullest? Wow, so do– Wait a minute. What does that mean?

Be clear. Avoid writing something just because someone else did. Maybe I’m dense, but I just don’t know what “living life to the fullest” means. I’m sure it means something to the people writing it, but it bears further explanation. Parasailing? Bungee jumping? Riding your horse? Time with family and friends? Provide examples.

Be yourself. Many of us get advice from our friends. That’s okay, but don’t copy what they write and sacrifice your originality, your uniqueness. This might be hard to believe, but people actually steal other people’s profiles. They lack imagination, so they appropriate another profile. I once talked to a woman whose profile was stolen by a man. And he was straight.

Be specific. Don’t just tell us you like to travel, tell us where you want to go. Don’t just say you like music, tell us who you like. Don’t just say you like to read. Tell us author and genre. Things like that are important to your reader because it gives them a more complete picture of you.

Be honest. I’m a professional writer, and because of that, many women have said I intimidate them. Good to know. Better I find it out now rather than later. Don’t write something that isn’t you and don’t show something that isn’t you any more. Use a current picture. It might be interesting to see what you looked like in high school, but if you’re 50, give us a current look as well.

Some people complain about pictures of pets, but pet pics are okay in my book. I’m an animal person myself and I use a shot of my pets. One shot. But photos of humans should vastly outnumber those of your four-legged or winged housemates.

And finally… Girls, more pictures of you and fewer travel pictures where you’re so small we can’t see you. Guys, put your shirt on and lose the ball cap.

5 Comments »