Online Dating Strategies for Pittsburgh Women - What Works?
Posted by BlueEyes1962 on 05 Jan 2008 at 05:50 pm | Tagged as: Pittsburgh Observations, Tips and Advice
When I first started on Match.com, an online dating veteran told me that it was useless to wink or email men (”if they’ve seen your photo and haven’t made the first move they are not interested”), so at the beginning I didn’t and just waited for men to make the first move.
Taking the exact opposite tactic is CUTIE, a very attractive Pittsburgh woman in her late-30’s, who gets over 1,000 winks or emails a week from men. She searches actively to find men that meet her criteria and winks at potential dates. If they email back, she immediately sets up a meeting. Because she is so attractive and accomplished - she’s a very successful professional - she will sometimes have 4 “coffees” a day and up to 20 a week until she finds the right guy.
Tactics will be strongly related to goals. Since I had no goal other than to explore dating again after 22 years, and was not looking for a something serious, my laissez-faire attitude was probably appropriate. CUTIE’s approaching finding “Mr. Right” very aggressively - She has a biological clock ticking.
Pittsburgh Women: What have you have found works for you? Any tips to share with other women who are also exploring online dating?
Cutie sounds obsessive-compulsive to me. Four dates or even three dates in one day is something I might try once but to do it every day you’ve got to have a problem! Does she have a job? She a nympho?
I find that it often takes an hour of thinking/feeling out your emotions for each hour of dating. Cutie must not be giving these guys much thought at all if she’s going through them that rapidly. And if she’s not giving them much thought then she’s probably not giving them (or herself) a chance at a relationship.
I use careful reading of profiles and email and sometimes phone to screen women before I commit to a face-to-face meeting. Weed out the psychos. Get the volume of first dates down to one or two a week — that’s manageable.
Since I have been on dating websites for over a decade (and people can say whatever they want about me being picky or a commitment-phobe) I can say that I have used both tactics-met men that contacted me and occasionally me contacting them. I used to wait until men contacted me but what do you have to lose by trying? You’ll know after the first or second e-mail OR date whether it’s worth pursuing further. I have met a lot of attractive intelligent and nice men but none of which I really clicked with or with whom things worked out, so it depends on what you are looking for too. I haven’t been looking for anything long term until now (I’m in my mid-30s and an extremely busy professional). It’s also a good idea to meet early in the process before you build up expectations during lengthy e-mail exchanges-that usually doesn’t work. If you read Cathy’s book, her own brother’s wife was the one who initiated contact in their relationship through match. So that does work for many women. But in the end, you have to use a method that feels comfortable to you. I’ve certainly evolved in the last 10 years with respect to that.