A note from CHARMING, a 50-year old woman in Pittsburgh. She says that a delightful job requirement of being a “fun-time writer and a full-time hairstylist” is to to love people from all walks, but some days tact is the ability to make them feel at home (especially when she wishes they were.)

The following is a mock testimony to the hits she’s been receiving on dating sites (which is why her intro line reads “May We Distinguish the Weeds From the Flowers”). She says she was so tempted to put this up for her fellow gal pals who have been overrun with similar weeds:

I’m actually looking for unavailable, dishonest men who hate talking about feelings, like stringing me along, and think only about themselves.

If you’re young enough to be my son I’ve been enjoying all those brave winks and e-mails. Keep em coming! Growl.

Old enough to be my grandpa is purrfect too. I hear that celibacy’s good for the soul. You can call me Sister Mary Merlot. (If you NEVER drink I bet you’re fun. )

Belong to AA? Have numerous DUI’s? Still live with mom? No job required! Toxic children a must.

Not being able to spell gives great insight into your intellectual value.

Live 1000 miles away? Get your green card here. I work for the border patrol.

No picture posted leaves much to the imagination. . . but pictures in which your hair stands up like a blown hood latch , untrimmed beards resembling Grizzly Adams , and more tattoos than Popeye — definitely makes me and the rest of us single gals hot.

Of course I love dating married men! Breaking up happy homes is my thang.

Divorced more than 3 times is a red light… special??? What the heck. We can put the word FUN in Dysfunction.

Any for REAL guy who does not get the point or does not find this humorous need not apply.

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