Pittsburgh Internet Dating Stories

Here’s a story “treefrog” emailed me and told me I could post:

I got a wink from this nurse, Madison. She was pretty intense from the very
beginning. In our first phone call, she called me and we talked from 11pm
till 1am. Talked about family, kids, divorce, dating, everything… She told
me she had a twin sister with borderline personality disorder. My ex is BPD,
so that piqued my interest. I figured that by learning more about snake
handling, I could protect myself from future venom.

Madison joked around a lot in email, giving me a hard time about other dating
I’m doing, joking about what we’d do on dates. When I suggested we meet, she
emailed me “You promised to rape me, remember?” I wrote back that “That was
strange. I prefer lighter humor”, to which she replied “if you don’t like my
sense of humor you could always kiss my ass or stop calling me. … You
probably can’t handle me!”

I had serious doubts about her, but to learn more about borderlines and to
test my dating reflexes, I proposed we meet.

Madison didn’t want to call it a date. It consisted of sitting on her front
porch and talking for 3 hours. We dined on bottled water and grape popsicles
that she fetched from her fridge. She did not dress up at all, but had sloppy
hair and wore frumpy t-shirt and shorts. She would be pretty good looking if
she lost 50 pounds.

She told me about her family; how her mother spent Madison’s teen years lazing
in bed all day while the kids cooked meals and ran the house. Madison, who is
5 years younger than me, then said: “do you need to go to the bathroom? Those
OLDER bladders sometimes can’t hold much”. I rolled my eyes and told her that
I’d never had a woman utter the word “bladder” on a first date. She acted
offended and threatened to hit me. I told her I’d leave if she did. Then she
threatened to “bring out the mean Madison” and accused me of saying that she
had multiple personality disorder. “This woman reminds me of my ex”, I was
thinking.

As we spoke, she made occasional “accidental” touches to my thigh, which I
tolerated uncomfortably for a while. She ribbed me about how I managed to
date 20 women in 10 months. She asked if I have a little black book, and
whether I’d be tearing her page out at the end of the evening. She jokingly
told me that I’m anal retentive and have obsessive compulsive disorder! When
I made a remark, in exasperation, about this “date, or non-date, or whatever
the fuck you want to call it”, her response was “OOOH! Now you’re getting
dirty! That’s turning me on!”. This woman is strange!

By that time I had pretty well ruled her out for a romantic relationship, it
was midnight, and I wanted to get home. I said “I enjoyed our conversation,
let’s get together for a walk some time, I need to go”. I was feeling mildly
repulsed on physical and psychological levels, and didn’t want to encourage
any advances, so I offered a handshake, only. She took my hand, and for an
awkward 30 seconds wouldn’t let go. She told me she wanted a kiss, I
reluctantly said OK, and she started to give me an extremely passionate kiss.
After enduring it for a fraction of a second, I pulled away. Fortunately, she
let go. That super-clingy handshake and kiss bugged me more than anything
else. It felt like being smothered by my ex. Yikes!

When I got home, I felt relief that I hadn’t let her go further with me, proud
of myself for dodging the viper.

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I told you about ZZUG, who was looking for a woman between the ages of 42 and 46, and how that caught my eye. When we got together I asked him about the impossibly thin slice of all the potential women out there that he had targeted. I thought he was a little crazy, but what he said made some sense. ZZUG was 44, already had 3 children, and wasn’t interested in having more. He didn’t want to date women in their 30′s because they might still want to have children. He figured that a 42-year old woman who was up on Match.com had probably come to terms with her clicking biological clock and had resigned herself to the number of children she presently had.

ZZUG had dated a 48-year old woman, and it had not turned out well, so he figured that was too old. Thus he came up with the magic 4 years of age acceptability.

It should be obvious form this conversation that he was in either the Engineering or I.T. field. (It’s I.T.) Most people don’t think this way.

However, something can be said for logic and rationality, even though I don’t always trust it. Take the opposite example – a man the same age, recently divorced, with the same number of children, who is pretty sure he doesn’t want more. This man, let’s call him Bill, decided that he wanted to date younger women, in their 30′s who didn’t have children.

Bill told me he did not want to deal with some other guy’s kids, and did not want a woman burdened with family obligations, but he did not think that a young woman in her 30′s might want marriage and children.

Bill’s been dumped a few times, and he has since learned that if you want a casual relationship with a woman, don’t pick one racing against time limits. ZZUG was definitely ahead of the curve with this one.

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It’s always fun to see what people choose as their screen names when they decide to try internet dating. One of my favorites is “sweetpoontang” (I’m not making this up), a 32 year old woman from Kennerdell, Pennsylvania.

I had an interesting encounter with “French Stud.” He winked at me and I emailed him back:

Not sure about the “French Stud” part – I hope it was tongue in cheek. But curious enough to email you back.

You could be interesting!

He emailed me back:

Hi,
No the frenchstud no just like you said, one thing my English is not that sharp (after 20 yrs) what is tongue cheek?
If you want you can get me as frenchstud on yahoo messenger, I know I know here again the stud part LOL.
And I am very interesting, LOL

Well – what can I say – I had to meet him for a drink. The “what is tongue cheek?” won me completely over.

We met at the Sonoma Grille in downtown Pittsburgh, and had a very nice time. He was a true gentleman, and was not impressed with the women he had met through Match.com.

He told me had canceled his membership because he had met 8 women, and they had all been “what would you say, white trash” – women who would have “laid down with him” the same night he met them. He was not interested.

Now I did have the heart to tell him this, but if you choose “French Stud” as your screen name, you will attract a certain type of woman. Just like women who post provocative photos or call themselves “sweetpoontang” will attract a certain type of man. If that’s what you are looking for – great – but if it’s not, you can’t blame the people who respond to you for having misunderstood.

Companies spend tens of housands of dollars coming up with a brand name for their products. Your screen name is your “brand name” – think of your target market and choose appropriately.

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A lot of older men I’ve talked to have been emailed by very young and beautiful women (according to the pictures) with very bad English spelling and grammar skills who are looking for a kind gentleman they can trust. Some of the more curious have emailed back to see when the request for money would come. But few have had as direct a request as ADVENTUROUS, who sent me this exchange:

In her web personal, she wrote:

I am an attractive 30 year old female searching for a well
to do gentleman. Age unimportant, however must be able to
provide me with a picture. Must be honest and discreet.

I am 5’4″, 119 lbs., long light brown hair, green eyes. A
picure is available upon request. Write me and we’ll talk…..

So I did.

—-

From: ADVENTUROUS302
Subject: honest

Hi. You sound intriguing from what little you’ve said. Could you tell
me more about yourself and send a photo? thanks

From: WANTYOU999
Subject: money

I am going to be honest with you. I am looking for money.

From: ADVENTUROUS302
Subject: re: money

You want to fleece some guy and split?
Or you want to marry into money, or what?

From: WANTYOU999
Subject: re: re: money

Look, I’m gonna be honest. I don’t like being on here doing this. I am a single mother of a little girl. I am a normal down to earth woman with a normal job. But at the moment, I need money, and I have no choice but to do what I gotta do to get it. You might think that that is terrible, but I have a kid to take care of and I don’t have any choice. I understand if you don’t want to talk to me anymore.

—-

It then dawned on me why discretion and money were so important to her

A professional, you think, or a first-timer?

I never heard from her again.

We never did business.

—-

~ ADVENTUROUS

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