One great thing about Internet dating is that you can very quickly meet a lot of people and are exposed to a wide range of human experiences. Divorced men with kids are usually in some contact with their ex’s and one quickly determines the relationship and it can be all over the map.

Sue has an especially amicable relationship with her ex, Stan. They talk several times a week on the phone, and he comes to the house Monday evenings. When they were married, Monday evenings were family game days – they’d eat dinner together as a family, and then play a round of Scrabble or a card game.

When they separated this January, they decided to keep the tradition. Although the kids go to his bachelor pad one at a time on the week-ends (it’s only got 2 bedrooms and they have 3 kids) during the week most of his time with the kids is spent in the family home, which is now Sue’s house.

This works for them and they claim it is the least disruptive option for the kids, all teenagers. But this strikes me and many of their dates as very weird. Sue tells me that men who have an equally friendly relationship with their ex-wives are fine with it – even relieved that they found someone who will not be jealous when they spend time with their kids and ex together. But guys with bitter divorces can’t understand – Sue has seen had men get very disturbed when she explains their arrangement, tell her they are not comfortable with this at all. Many of Sue’s friends think Stan is taking advantage of Sue, and that she is being too accommodating.

Stan is much more strategic than Sue – he would never reveal this at a first coffee. He dated a woman without children in her mid 30′s and he didn’t tell her that family time in Upper St. Clair with the kids often also included the (soon-to-be-ex) wife. But after 4 months the issue did come up and caused problems and suspicions, and then she found out he is separated and not divorced as advertised. Now Stan finds himself back on Match.com again.

Which is how Sue offered to help her Ex improve his Match.com profile. He’s back up and hasn’t been getting the response he hoped for, and asked Sue for advice. Sue first suggested going for women his own age – but he did not like that idea. Then she said that nicer photos would help. He asked her if she could take some next time he was over, and Sue said yes. I thought she was crazy and I asked her why she would do this.

Sue said, “I’m good with a camera, and an expert at Photoshop, so why not? Stan’s adjusted his schedule to stay with the children for the week-end several times when I wanted to get away. It’s been in both our best interests, and the kids, to get along.”

I think, after a year of separation, their lives are way too tangled still. Sue thinks she knows what she is doing. She wonders why such a friendly relationship with an ex raises suspicions with potential dates.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

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