Pittsburgh Internet Dating Stories

Here’s a story “treefrog” emailed me and told me I could post:

I got a wink from this nurse, Madison. She was pretty intense from the very
beginning. In our first phone call, she called me and we talked from 11pm
till 1am. Talked about family, kids, divorce, dating, everything… She told
me she had a twin sister with borderline personality disorder. My ex is BPD,
so that piqued my interest. I figured that by learning more about snake
handling, I could protect myself from future venom.

Madison joked around a lot in email, giving me a hard time about other dating
I’m doing, joking about what we’d do on dates. When I suggested we meet, she
emailed me “You promised to rape me, remember?” I wrote back that “That was
strange. I prefer lighter humor”, to which she replied “if you don’t like my
sense of humor you could always kiss my ass or stop calling me. … You
probably can’t handle me!”

I had serious doubts about her, but to learn more about borderlines and to
test my dating reflexes, I proposed we meet.

Madison didn’t want to call it a date. It consisted of sitting on her front
porch and talking for 3 hours. We dined on bottled water and grape popsicles
that she fetched from her fridge. She did not dress up at all, but had sloppy
hair and wore frumpy t-shirt and shorts. She would be pretty good looking if
she lost 50 pounds.

She told me about her family; how her mother spent Madison’s teen years lazing
in bed all day while the kids cooked meals and ran the house. Madison, who is
5 years younger than me, then said: “do you need to go to the bathroom? Those
OLDER bladders sometimes can’t hold much”. I rolled my eyes and told her that
I’d never had a woman utter the word “bladder” on a first date. She acted
offended and threatened to hit me. I told her I’d leave if she did. Then she
threatened to “bring out the mean Madison” and accused me of saying that she
had multiple personality disorder. “This woman reminds me of my ex”, I was
thinking.

As we spoke, she made occasional “accidental” touches to my thigh, which I
tolerated uncomfortably for a while. She ribbed me about how I managed to
date 20 women in 10 months. She asked if I have a little black book, and
whether I’d be tearing her page out at the end of the evening. She jokingly
told me that I’m anal retentive and have obsessive compulsive disorder! When
I made a remark, in exasperation, about this “date, or non-date, or whatever
the fuck you want to call it”, her response was “OOOH! Now you’re getting
dirty! That’s turning me on!”. This woman is strange!

By that time I had pretty well ruled her out for a romantic relationship, it
was midnight, and I wanted to get home. I said “I enjoyed our conversation,
let’s get together for a walk some time, I need to go”. I was feeling mildly
repulsed on physical and psychological levels, and didn’t want to encourage
any advances, so I offered a handshake, only. She took my hand, and for an
awkward 30 seconds wouldn’t let go. She told me she wanted a kiss, I
reluctantly said OK, and she started to give me an extremely passionate kiss.
After enduring it for a fraction of a second, I pulled away. Fortunately, she
let go. That super-clingy handshake and kiss bugged me more than anything
else. It felt like being smothered by my ex. Yikes!

When I got home, I felt relief that I hadn’t let her go further with me, proud
of myself for dodging the viper.

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